Pathbreaker
I previously introduced the “path,” so what does it mean to be a pathbreaker? A pathbreaker chooses not to follow the linear, formulaic path most teenagers are indoctrinated into.
Instead, you blaze your own trail through a relentless pursuit of self-directed happiness that leads to thriving.
When you raise your teen or tween to be a pathbreaker, they don’t stress over academic excellence, accumulating credentials (to get into a good college), or deciding what they will “be.” All of those things might eventually matter, but a pathbreaker doesn’t make them matter unless it’s absolutely necessary.
“[Pathbreaking] is meant for the parent of a twelve(ish) to sixteen(ish)-year-old with hundreds of days and tens of thousands of hours to work with. You are not rushed, beholden to fictional deadlines, or the least bit apprehensive about uncertainty. Instead, you’re cementing an indestructible foundation and helping your teenager build the floors of a burgeoning skyscraper.”
The goal is that your teen or tween exits the pressure cooker to achieve and, instead, gradually goes about self-discovery with you (their parent) as a mentor vs. a taskmaster. A pathbreaker is focused on becoming a thriving young adult, not a high-achieving teenager.
This is how our daughters (now 24 and 26) answer the question “what does thriving mean to you/?”
Self-love. Do things that make you feel fulfilled and accomplished. Happiness is the lack of desire. If you’re not happy about something in your life, change it.
How much time does your teenager devote to pursuing those quotes?
As I write in Pathbreaker Parenting, a pathbreaker plays the long game. Winning does not mean financial success. Winning means innate, self-directed happiness that leads to continuously pursuing personal versions of success.
You develop the core characteristics that enable thriving—brick by brick. You develop a growth mindset, high emotional intelligence, and self-confidence. You are mentored to embrace uncertainty, rethink risk, and no longer concern yourself with averages (each of these is a chapter in the book). While everyone else stresses about their future, you maximize each day in your present.
“Please don’t allow yourself or your teenager to form a fixed mindset through which effort investments are based on the average outcomes of large groups of people. Empower your teenager with a growth mindset to view effort as the path to mastery and, perhaps most importantly, to find lessons and inspiration in the success of individuals, not group averages.”
Pathbreaking is not for the faint of heart. Thick skin is a must. You must embolden yourself to be relentlessly judged, challenged, and shunned by those who believe in the path (i.e., many to most adults). But once you and your teenager learn how to look your detractors in the eye and say, “Hold my beer,” a new journey - a much better journey - awaits.